Sample letter to birth father from adoptee

Adoptee's Ancestry Search Update: Two Possible Birth Fathers!

For every one child placed for adoption, there are up to 36 families waiting to adopt. You want the chance to express your hopes, dreams, values, and the endless amount of love you can give to a child.

You want to paint a picture of who you are and the life you can provide. But how? Every prospective family is different. Every birth family is different. Some may be looking for an adoptive family who will give their child siblings. Some may want this baby to be the first child for these parents. Some may purely be looking for a special connection. To learn more about writing a Dear Birthmother letter or starting the adoption processcall Adoptions With Love at or contact us here.

Skip to content Adoptions With Love Blog. Out of respect and empathy for expectant parents still considering adoption, try to use a different salutation when addressing your reader.

Continue to use positive, respectful adoption language throughout your letter, too. You want to make yourself sound like the perfect parent.

Try to remember that no one is perfect.

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You do not have to overpromise, exaggerate, or pretend to be someone you are not. If you want an open and long-term relationship with a birth family, it is important to be honest from the start. They want to get to know the real you. You do not have to appeal to every expectant parent.

The one that likes what you have to say, that shares your views or passions, will be right for you. What will their neighborhood be like?

What types of activities will they do with their adoptive parents? Where will they eat dinner each night? Your relationship with extended family members such as grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.This is good advice. I hope those who are making first contact will take it to heart. My son and I were reunited through ISRR Soundexwhich is a wonderful organization, facilitating thousands of mutual consent reunions.

Phone calls to me and him to set up our initial phone contact. Letters were not recommended for first contact whole different deal than if either party is "cold calling. Ours was mutual consent in accordance with the registry.

I must say that I would have much preferred to exchange letters first, but I also understand their philosophy, to jump-start our contact. In retrospect, I approve. As for what to say. This was true! So it was easy to comply. He thanked me for not aborting him, for giving him life. I think they were kinda setting us up for what they thought we'd both want to hear, as in smoothing the way. What didn't happen, which you advised, was any holding back on his part in terms of his life with his adoptive family.

He told me about the abuse he endured, how he was sent away at 13, and what happened after, when he ended up in group homes and on the street. Talk about mother guilt, since we had been told we were giving our child a better life, more than we could ever provide.

I had a lot to cope with, to overcome that blow. Still do, sometimes. Anyway, thanks for this post.

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I hope those making first contact will take it into consideration. Thanks for writing this post. I think some of it I knew ituitively from years of talking with moms and hearing their stories. However, now that I'm actually filling out paperwork about myself, I've felt paralyzed.

Seeing the examples was really helpful. Awesome post! I wish I had read something like this before I wrote my first letter. I reread it recently and cringed at some of my statements, which at the time I thought were great.In the early days of adoption, Dear Birth Mother letters were single-page biographies.

Today, the competition has heated up, and the number of prospective parents continues to grow. Recent studies show that for every newborn, there are nearly forty adoptive parents searching. Every type of family you can imagine is hoping for a child —married, unmarried, LGBT couplesand single individuals.

So, how do you write the Dear Birth Mother letter that will enchant the right birthmother for you? For starters, be confident and honest. If adoption is your dream, you will find out very quickly that the words will start flowing once you begin. When writing yours, be sure to use these five necessary tips. Connect with the Right Birthmother: While the agency you are working with will work hard to connect you with a birthmother, keep in mind that successful adoptions occur when the adoptive parents and birthparents make a strong pre-birth connection.

So - don't exaggerate, fib, or most importantly, try to be something you are not. Authenticity is what will catch the eye of birthparents, and best represent your personality, lifestyle, and family philosophy. This will help you connect with a birthmother who shares your views. This is the lesson you should refer to when composing your birthmother letter.

It is warm, welcoming, and the street is filled with other families playing or walking their dogs. You can see the families, right? Do you like sports?

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The outdoors? While describing your interests and hobbies, find ways to illustrate how an infant or child will fit in. If you love Broadway musicals, talk about how you can't wait to take your child to a show and introduce them to this world. If handiwork is your speciality, joke about needing someone to hand you tools while you fix a leaky pipe.

This will help the birthmother visualize how her baby's life will be. Pretty straightforward, right? If want to complete a successful adoption, you need to show it. Explain your lifelong dream of starting a family.

If infertility was an issue for you, give it a positive spin by explaining how it led you to adoption. There are many reasons why birthmothers choose to place their child for adoption. With that said, it is no question that the adoption process could be an emotional and painful experience for her.

The birthmother most likely feels that she cannot provide the life that someone else you could. So there you have it! Keep in mind that these are just suggestions to get the ball rolling. At LifeLong Adoptionswe have helped hundreds of hopeful adoptive parents connect with birthmothers.RecordClick is a genealogy ancestry service that can help you find your ancestors. Our professional genealogists can conduct an ancestry search to help you in locating living relatives, including finding biological parents — mother or father.

We can assist in tracing ancestry, but once the information is found, you have to decide how best to make contact. It is my feeling that Time ripens all things; with Time all things are revealed; Time is the father of truth. If you were adopted or otherwise separated from your Birth Father, you may be wondering how best to make contact again?

RecordClick is pleased that Mr. Galloway has reached out to us and to our readers to share his thoughts and recommendations on making contact with a Birth Father.

AG: When Mothers give birth to a child, they know it is theirs. Fathers have no such guarantee, thus you need to be as certain as possible that you are approaching the correct person. Your adoption or birth record may have stated a father; check this with your mother, as sometimes false details were given to protect the true identity.

AG: Once you receive the research result, you need to be completely certain that you have the correct person by knowing his date of birth is correct? When you have a name, address, phone number and perhaps email, you need to decide which contact you will use.

You might want to use the telephone to get a quick answer. You might even be tempted to drive over and knock on the door, figuring you can get your answer in a half an hour.

None of the above are recommended. For best results, use an intermediary a third person who specializes in theses reunions who is used to dealing with this kind of approach. If you do need to make the contact yourself, consider the following.

How to Write a Letter to a Biological Father

If the answer to any of the above is NO, then he will need time to consider his position. That may well mean he has a lot of explaining to do to his family before having any contact with you. RC: What do you suggest is the best approach to making contact with a Birth Father?

AG: A letter by snail mail will give him time to think and plan. How you craft your letter is important. Each topic can be a paragraph and should be salient points, not complete descriptions.

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It needs to be written as a concise but flowing letter. A rambling one will get him lost, and a list of statements will not give encouragement.

Your letter to him should show that you are the person you claim to be.But how?

sample letter to birth father from adoptee

Snail mail? And what do you say?

sample letter to birth father from adoptee

Some birth parents have been praying you would find them, some never knew you existed, and some hope to take their secret to the grave. For these reasons, I advocate reaching out in a way that gives the other person room to maneuver, emotionally speaking.

Email is quick but impersonal, and it might not be seen. A letter is better, if you have a mailing address.

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Hand address the envelope, and pay for delivery confirmation if want to know when it was delivered. Do you have any information that might shed light?

LifeLong Adoptions Blog

Sometimes, you may want to leave out evidence from your letter. If you have DNA proof of who your grandparents were, and they only had one daughter your birth motheryou may instead want to describe your connection to your great grandparents her grandparentsso she has wiggle room. DNA is complicated, but keep your letter simple.

No need to mention centimorgan values and segment sizes and X chromosomes. Responses to the letter have been varied. One birth mother was thrilled to be found. One birth father pointed us to his cousin and agreed to take a DNA test to help. Another not only acknowledged the relationship but also thanked his daughter for reaching out in such a considerate way.

Dear Birth Parent, Love a Prospective Adoptive Family: Writing Your “Dear Birthmother Letter”

Final comments before I share the template. I think like a scientist and write like one, which is to say: bone dry. Feel free to modify the letter however you like to make it reflect your personality. The template below is for an adoptee.

It can be easily modified for an unknown father situation or even a break in your lineage further back in time. Bracketed text in blue is meant to be replaced with your own details.

sample letter to birth father from adoptee

Bracketed text in red is commentary to guide you in modifying the letter for yourself. If you have suggestions to improve the letter, or if you try it and it works for you, please let me know in the comments. I am searching for my biological family to learn my heritage and especially my medical family history.

My DNA shows evidence of both ethnicities.Each one is different in the same way that each hopeful family is different. But no matter who you are, what you do, or where you live, everyone has something to offer.

Contacting Your Birth Father

And not any expectant mother. The one that is looking for you. And that us brings us back to the beginning of your letter. I could go on and on about what I think makes a good opening. The openings below are taken from real adoptive parent profile letters. Some of them are from clients that have posted with us or on our sister site. We like to think of ourselves as loving, intelligent, responsible and funny people and, unless our friends and family have been lying to us, we are not far off the mark.

Why I like it: Nothing like a bit of humor to get the ball rolling. We married inbought a house, got a dog, two cats, and some fish, and started planning for the day we would have children. After almost three years of trying to conceive that day still has not come. So, we are looking to adoption to grow our family. And many hopeful couples do. But most importantly, enjoy the ride — because we certainly are. Just remember to keep your hands and feet inside the cart at all times. We are proud and happy in the life we share together and want so much to grow our family.

We are excited about our decision to adopt. For us the choice was an easy one, as we both grew up in adopted families. We believe it is a huge honor and privilege to become adoptive parents and we accept our responsibilities to you and your child with the utmost respect and commitment.

See a pattern emerging? By now you should have a pretty good sense of what I would be looking for if I were looking for a couple to adopt my baby. What I like about this opening is the enthusiasm andexcitement in their voices.

This opening is all of that, and more. Not only does it cast adoption in a positive light. When we first started talking about growing a family, the possibility of adoption was something we were always interested in.

They showed her throughout their lives that adoption is a very special way to create a family filled with unconditional love and support. Adoption has always been something we have talked about and been excited for.

After trying unsuccessfully to conceive through fertility treatments, we know that we are meant to build our family through adoption. Why should I pick you? We have been together for nearly 15 years and married for 8. Having been together for so long means we know how to comfort each other, how to make each other laugh and how to solve problems together. This varies from one person to the next. For two people who generally would rather talk about anything other than themselves, pouring our collective life and heart on these pages is not a simple task.

But the motivation is powerful and the sentiment genuine. We are fortunate — we both come from stable and loving families who have supported us throughout our lives. We found each other, and are the better for it. We clearly did something right to be blessed with our son, who has brought so much to our lives it defies description.You don't know me, but I'm your daughter.

You couldn't keep me when I was born, and although I wondered about the circumstances, I never questioned that your decision was the best one to make at the time you made it. Growing up without you and the rest of my family was really hard on me, because I was never able to find the place I belonged. I was shuffled about like a misfiled bit of paperwork lost on the desk of a disinterested clerk. It just happened that way, as difficult things do to everyone in one way or another.

A ceaseless fire burned in me to find you, to see your face, hear your voice. I wondered if I found you whether you could learn to love me a teeny bit, if perhaps you could find some room in your heart to spare. I could be quiet, small, not take up too much heart-space, for just a little of you in return. I was told over and over not to search for you, that I had no right, and I believed that for a long time. Birthparent rights were seemingly very important, yet there were no adoptee rights.

My awareness grew and I started to see the same trends over again from countless adoptees and birthparents: adoptees wanted to know their roots; birthparents shared the sentiment but were frightened of rejection. Stern warnings of blowing your cover and poking where I wasn't wanted fell to the wayside. As I saw it, you took the time to name me "Melodye.

Who names a baby they don't care about? I'd take my chances. It took years. I followed wrong information and bad advice, and often chased my own tail, but I got leads. I moved along like a snail on a highway -- slowly but with a mission.

The adoption agency sent me a little bit of information, non-identifying, of course, in accordance with state law that mandated all of my birth records be "closed" and irrevocably sealed. I became clever as I went, and one of my tricks was to call the agency back every few years to speak to a different case worker.

I got small pieces of new information each time I tried. They told me you were 22, a coal miner's daughter with many siblings, "pretty, intelligent" and had light-blue eyes. They also told me I had a brother, and that you weren't "in a position to care for" me. I knew finding you meant finding my brother, and could open the door to aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents, if any were still alive and were game to know me.